• Marriage Counselling with Tammy Laber

    "Marriages can become challenging, couples can fall out of love. Marriage counselling techniques can help recreate loving feelings."
  • Other Counselling Services Available

    "I’m very comfortable discussing what may be difficult topics for you, such as depression, anxiety and sexuality."
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If you really loved me… Relationship Advice

“If you really loved me, you’d….”

Have you ever heard those words from your partner?

When we love someone, sometimes we want them to meet all of our needs.  But expecting a partner to do EVERYTHING you want, just the way you want it, is not a reasonable expectation.  Both people need to have free will in order for the relationship to be healthy.  Using the phrase, “If you really loved me” is not loving, it is manipulative.

When you want your partner to do something, it makes sense to ask clearly.  However, you have to be ready to hear a “no”.  And if you do hear a no, it’s a good idea to be ready to accept that or to negotiate a compromise in a fair and loving manner.

A related concept to “If you really loved me” is the ultimatum.  It’s tempting to use ultimatums, because they can make you feel powerful, but in general, I suggest that people resist the temptation.  You don’t get respect this way in the long run, and you may well damage the intimacy in your relationship.  Instead of giving an ultimatum, I suggest you work on increasing the person’s motivation to change.

People are motivated to change when they see hope for the relationship.  They don’t want to lose what they have, so they are willing to put more effort into keeping it.  As the old expression says, “You get more flies with honey than with vinegar.”

There are many techniques you can use that will help you negotiate effectively with your partner, and I can teach you some of them.  Here is a key thing to remember: when you find ways to show your partner you value them and care for their concerns and opinions, they are more likely to consider YOUR feelings, and to be willing to create win-win situation.

Global News asked my opinion of oversharing via social media

Global News called me recently in relation to a story they were doing.  I was asked to comment about the phenonemon of “oversharing” via social media.

The gist of what I said is that while posting something on line may make you feel better in the short term, be careful that you don’t trade a short sense of release for a longer term of pain. Just like it’s better not to drunk dial the phone, don’t post things to Facebook or Twitter than may come back to haunt you.

Facebook can be a great way to find old friends and keep in touch with people who live far away.  But use it with caution.  Once something is up on the web, it takes on a life of its own.  Years from now, people may still find those nasty words you said to a now long-ago ex boyfriend.  Consider whether you would want a future employer, a client or your grandmother to read what you just said.

It's okay to be single. YOU are enough

Valentine's Day can be a hard day to be single. It’s also a hard day to be in a relationship that no longer feels loving. For all my clients and friends, this is a lovely message:


As the video says, it's a myth you need a partner to complete you.  You are complete just as you are!  For most people, there will be times when we are part of a team, and other times when we are single... and we are equally precious and worthy human beings either way.  Believe it or not, there are advantages to being single.  There is no need to be depressed, and depression and anxiety counselling may help.

So if you are single, let me help you learn to love yourself more and fill your life with lovely things. Whether or not that helps you form a relationship, you are worth it!  If you want to get more out of single life, there is a good chance I can help you learn to be happier with going solo, as I have helped others.

And if you are in a partnership that is not all you would like it to be, please call me. If you and your partner both want it, you can have a more loving and nurturing marriage or relationship.  Even if only one of you is working on the relationship, there is the possibility of change.  When one side shifts, the other side starts to shift too.  If you want to improve your situation, I’d like to help.

I hope this Valentine's Day is a new beginning for getting more love in YOUR life.

With love,


Global News asked me what I thought of “Gym Snobs”


I was asked by Global News to comment on people who are “gym snobs” — people who don’t just work out a lot, but comment on the way others are working out, give unsolicited advice and boast about their training using social media. Here’s the clip where you can see what I said.


I hope everyone makes an effort to feel good in their own skin, and makes exercise a part of that. I encourage my clients to exercise, and I take my own advice by swimming and walking regularly. Exercise has been shown to decrease stress and depression, as well as benefitting overall health. But when exercise is not about health — when it’s another form of competition and one-up-manship — how healthy is that?

I like to think that I help my clients to love and accept themselves, and to keep all aspects of life in perspective.

The Black Dog of Depression

Black dog of depression

Some people call depression a black dog.

This is a great short animated film about what depression feels like, with a good ending.  Worth watching!


If you are suffering from depression, counselling can help.  I use CBT and other techniques with my clients who are suffering from depression.  Don't ignore this serious health problem.  Depression is a serious matter, and good counselling CAN help.

Depression Counselling

About Bipolar Disorder – Helping CAMH Get The Word Out

There are 300,000 Canadians with Bipolar Disorder. It touches more people, and in more ways, than you think. For example, it can lead to Dangerous Behaviour, Ruined Relationships , and Getting Fired. Without treatment, some people with bipolar disorder may exhibit attention-seeking behaviors and uncontrolled emotions. It’s a serious disease, but with the right treatment, there is hope.

I have worked with people suffering from bipolar disorder, and found that with a combination of medication and therapy, many can live very productive and enjoyable lives.  The disorder likely has a genetic component, and it never completely goes away, but a person can learn techniques that can help them cope much better.
Do you know anyone with bipolar disorder?  Please let them know about my services. 

Love Your Body and Yourself

Here’s a great article I contributed to recently.  It really sums up how attitude is so important.  While healthy eating and exercise are great, so is loving yourself just the “weigh” you are!


Do You Yell When You’re Angry?

Couple yelling in argument need Couples CounsellingDo you yell at your partner?

Anger management counselling may help you control yourself when you are angry.

When I hear that a couple is yelling at each other, I encourage them to reflect, “Does this serve me?  Will this have the outcome I intend?”

In the heat of the moment, it can be a temptation to “get it all out”.  Once in a while something good comes of this, in that we speak a truth that benefits the relationship.  But all too often, people say things in anger we wish later that we could take back.

Here’s an idea.  If you hear yourself raising your voice, stop talking for a minute and count to 100, taking deep breaths as you do so.  Then WHISPER the kindest possible version of what you want to say to your partner.

This greatly increases the odds that they will actually be able to hear what you have to say.

I have many techniques that I teach couples to help them feel heard and to help their partners feel heard and understood as well.  Generally, they all work better than yelling.  If you are hearing yourself or your partner yell, I invite you to come in for a visit and discuss how things could be better.  Call me at 416 406-5147 today. 

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