When I hear that a couple is yelling at each other, I encourage them to reflect, “Does this serve me? Will this have the outcome I intend?”
In the heat of the moment, it can be a temptation to “get it all out”. Once in a while something good comes of this, in that we speak a truth that benefits the relationship. But all too often, people say things in anger we wish later that we could take back.
Here’s an idea. If you hear yourself raising your voice, stop talking for a minute and count to 100, taking deep breaths as you do so. Then WHISPER the kindest possible version of what you want to say to your partner.
This greatly increases the odds that they will actually be able to hear what you have to say.
I have many techniques that I teach couples to help them feel heard and to help their partners feel heard and understood as well. Generally, they all work better than yelling. If you are hearing yourself or your partner yell, I invite you to come in for a visit and discuss how things could be better. Call me at 416 406-5147 today.
